Ambien. No doubt about it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
