I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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