yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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