hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
