I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
