you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
