so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
