T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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