In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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