you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
