I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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