he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
