you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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