Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
