So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
