you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
