He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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