he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
