Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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