Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
