i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
