somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
