If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
