I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
