look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
