I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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