who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
