ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
