so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
