the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize