We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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