someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
