I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
