everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
