Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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