Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize