I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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