am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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