You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
