he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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