In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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