:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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