Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
