i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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