i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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