i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
