i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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