Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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