I'm so fucking centered right now
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
