I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Small penises have feelings too.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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