There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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