You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
