she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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