so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize