:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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