About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Randomize
