She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
