The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
