So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Alive.
So much puke
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
