I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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