I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize