haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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