You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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