Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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