i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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