I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize