it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
