If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
