I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
