Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
