awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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