No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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