i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
