My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
