I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
