wakey wakey hands off snakey
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
