just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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