Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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