They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
