I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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