Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
