we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
