I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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