I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
