I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
