The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
