I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
