my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
