I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
