My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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