A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
