If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
