I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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